Try, Try Again…

The famous saying goes, if you don’t succeed, try try again. But there is no saying that answers the question what happens if you try, try, try, try again and still don’t succeed.

My life is so complicated that a doctor personally called me to tell me they cannot help me. If you read my blog, then you would know that I’ve been trying to find an OBGYN specialist who can give a new perspective. I thought I finally found a glimmer of hope with one in New York. But he just called to tell me to not travel from out-of-state because he cannot do anything that has already been tried.

So I keep trying; I try to keep the faith and hope that someone will be able to help me someday. I try to keep up my spirit, because my students, friends, and family need me. I try to keep myself from falling because I’ve been in despair and it does no one any good. I try, try, again every time but I am tired of trying.

My family gets upset for my well-being, as they know how much I suffer. Sometimes it feels like they’re grieving for the quality of life I have lost. As much as I know they’re my support, it’s really hard to face my disappointment and their disappointment. Right now, we’re all disappointed, but I don’t think they’ll every fully understand my disappointment.

Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m disappointed. I had no expectations coming into my appointment. I knew there was a large possibility that he couldn’t help me. I just don’t know where to go, what to do, or who to talk to now. This doctor, like all the others, recommended I look for an OBGYN to give me an IUD, birth control, or Orlissa. All of these doctors view my history and my records and automatically assume they cannot help me. My PCP keeps telling me I have to do something or find someone, but how can I do that if no one wants to take on my case…

I guess for now I’ll continue to do what I’ve been doing: eating right, exercising when possible, avoiding caffeine, avoiding alcohol, and living in the moments of the good days. I just wish those good days outnumbered the bad, because that would make life a little easier.

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