Have you ever waited for a bus/train/ride that felt like it was never going to come? Or found yourself waiting with anticipation for a holiday that was still a month away?
This week has been hard emotionally, because I’m left waiting. As some of you may recall, I went for a MRI this week to determine if I have any large masses of endo or adeno. The MRI went fine, but now I’m left waiting. I thought I would have heard from the doctor before now, I hoped he would have called me to tell me what the scan showed, if anything. But instead, I’ve been told by his nurse that I have to wait for the follow up appointment. That follow up appointment isn’t for 1.5 weeks, so I am left waiting for it.
The only upside is that I would have heard if it was an ’emergency’ according to the nurse. But waiting has been worse than knowing. I found myself, at times, unable to focus on work, grad school, and chores. I’ve instead been trying to keep myself busy working on making Cricut gifts for future presents. Because, if I’m left with free-time, I spend it sitting thinking about the scan, or a possible prognosis, which is neither healthy nor productive.
The hardest part of waiting is the ‘what ifs’ that circle my head. “What if they found something and he needs to tell me face-to-face?” or worse, “What if they didn’t find anything…” The thought of being in this mental state for another 1.5 weeks is just insane.
And the worst part of all? Today I start my birth control pill. I am going to take it against every piece of me telling me not to. I told the doctor I would try it, because I got the sense that he wouldn’t consider excision or surgery until we ruled out “less-severe” forms of treatment (little to medical professionals realize how severe birth control can be for us). However, I’m only promising to take it now until the follow-up; I am not guaranteeing I stay on the 3 month trial. Once I hear my results and talk to the doctor, I’m going to decide my future. As Touch of Flourish reminded me this week, birth control can help for now but it does not address the true underlying issues.
As a side note, thank you all for your continuous support of this blog💛